Making Room for the Future: Letting Go of the Past
Moving a catering business after 20 years forced me to sort through old manuals, drums, and memories. A reflection on letting go of the past and making room for the future.
Learning How to Carry Stress: Healthy Ways to Cope When Life Feels Overwhelming
A business owner reflects on stress, stoicism, and the healthy coping mechanisms that have helped him navigate fifteen years of entrepreneurship. From meditation and music to walks in the woods and time with family, these are the tools that make stress easier to carry when life feels overwhelming.
Learning How to Carry Stress
Yesterday, a walk-in refrigeration technician looked around my new catering facility and told me he’d be freaking out if he were in my situation.
I understood what he meant.
We are eight days away from moving an entire kitchen, team, and business into a building that isn’t close to being ready.
Construction isn’t finished.
The health department review is still pending.
Contractors are still coming and going.
Internet is only partially operational.
And there still seems to be an endless list of things left to do.
The funny thing is that I am stressed.
Probably more stressed than I’ve been in years.
The difference isn’t that the stress disappeared.
The difference is that I’ve learned how to cope with it.
Learning How to Cope With Stress as a Business Owner
When I started this business at 36, I wasn’t learning how to work hard.
I’d worked hard my entire life.
What I was learning was how to carry owner stress.
Until then, I had always been an employee.
At the end of the day, the lease belonged to someone else.
The payroll belonged to someone else.
The equipment failures belonged to someone else.
The permit problems belonged to someone else.
Then one day I became the owner.
Suddenly, everything belonged to me.
I remember working so hard that my head would be swimming by the end of the day. Lunch was often an afterthought. I’d come home mentally exhausted and still thinking about work.
Eventually I discovered Transcendental Meditation because I needed a way to reset. I needed somewhere to put the stress down for twenty minutes before picking it back up again.
Lately, this building project has felt a lot like those early years.
There simply aren’t enough hours in the day.
Stress Management Isn’t About Eliminating Stress
One thing business ownership has taught me is that responsibility and control are not the same thing.
The project is my responsibility.
But much of it is not under my control.
I can’t control when the county reviews plans.
I can’t control when an inspector signs off.
I can’t control whether a contractor runs into an unexpected problem.
What I can control is whether everyone clearly understands the deadline and the expectations.
My to-do list currently includes two unusual tasks: “Babysit Victor” and “Babysit Rudy.”
Victor is my architect. Rudy is my contractor.
The phrase makes me laugh, but it captures an important lesson I’ve learned about dealing with stress.
Projects don’t move forward on their own.
Every day requires another conversation.
Where are we?
What’s preventing progress?
What do you need from me?
What happens next?
How do we get past the current roadblock?
I’ve also learned that I need to be on-site every day.
Not because I’m installing equipment or swinging a hammer.
Because presence matters.
The casual conversations happen.
Problems get identified faster.
Questions get answered immediately.
And people understand that someone is paying attention.
A lot of stress management advice focuses on mindset. That’s important. But sometimes coping with stress means showing up, asking questions, and helping remove obstacles.
That’s my version of stoicism.
I do what I can that day.
That’s what matters.
Healthy Ways I Deal With Stress
People often ask about healthy ways to deal with stress.
After fifteen years of ownership, I've found a few things that consistently help. Walks in the woods. Meditation. Listening to records. Cooking. Journaling. Exercise and rowing. Time with my kids. Focusing on what I can control.
Some of these have become recurring themes on this blog. I've written about how playing guitar helps me relieve stress, why it's important to enjoy the life you already have, and how creating a sanctuary at home can help you recharge when life feels overwhelming.
None of these eliminate stress.
They simply help me carry it better.
This morning I listened to Sweet Baby James with a cup of coffee.
My daughter ate a bowl of split pea soup I made the day before for lunch.
Later we took a walk in the woods together. The sweet air calmed me down almost immediately.
For the first time in more than a week, I felt like I could breathe.
Stress Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing
When I was younger, I thought growth meant stress would eventually disappear.
Now I think growth means learning how to carry it.
Not perfectly.
Not effortlessly.
But with a little more perspective.
The walk-in technician saw a mountain of work left to do.
I see that mountain too.
The difference is that experience has taught me that mountains are climbed one step at a time.
They don’t teach you how to carry stress in business school.
They teach accounting.
They teach finance.
They teach marketing.
Learning how to cope with stress comes from the hard knocks.
It comes from showing up the next day.
It comes from solving the next problem.
It comes from learning that stress is part of life, but it doesn’t have to be the whole of life.
Tomorrow the project will still be waiting for me.
There will be more problems to solve.
More phone calls to make.
More conversations with Victor and Rudy.
Today, I took a walk in the woods with my daughter.
The sweet air calmed me down.
Tomorrow I’ll pick the stress back up.
Today, I put it down for a little while.
“Know what’s enough. Build what matters.”
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