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How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
I have something I tell my kids when we talk about money and what other people have:
We live better today than the wealthiest person in the world did 100 years ago.
Think about it.
That person may have had a mansion. Servants. Land. More possessions than almost anyone alive.
But we have antibiotics.
Modern dentistry.
Air conditioning.
Refrigeration.
Cars that start every morning.
Instant communication with almost anyone in the world.
Nearly every song ever recorded, every book ever written, and more information than a great library could hold sitting in our pockets.
Society has advanced so much that an ordinary life today contains things kings and industrialists couldn't have imagined.
And somehow, surrounded by all of that, we can still look across the street—or at Instagram—and think:
Why don't I have what they have?
I've started to think there's a better rule for comparison.
If you're going to compare your life to someone else's, you have to be willing to trade your entire life for theirs.
Not just their house.
Not their income.
Not their vacations, career, body, car, business, or boat.
Everything.
Their relationships.
Their health.
Their childhood.
Their problems.
Their responsibilities.
Their fears.
Their family.
Their stress.
Their Tuesday afternoon.
You don't get to cherry-pick the part you envy.
A Simple Way to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
A lot of comparison is really comparison of material things.
Someone has a bigger house.
A nicer car.
More money.
Better clothes.
Okay.
But I think the more interesting question is:
What do you believe those things are going to give you?
There is nothing wrong with wanting nice things. I like nice things.
But having more and living better aren't necessarily the same thing.
Brunello Cucinelli is especially interesting to me on this subject because he's not someone who failed at the material game.
He's a billionaire.
Someone who can afford almost anything.
And yet, this is his perspective:
“There are three things you cannot buy. Fitness: You have to keep fit, whether you're rich or not. Diet: You cannot pay someone to be on a diet for you. Soul: No one can possibly treat your soul but yourself.”
I love that precisely because it's coming from a billionaire.
Someone who has essentially won the material game is telling you that some of the most important things in life still cannot be purchased.
Or outsourced.
You still have to build them yourself.
A Simple Comparison Reset
Health might be the biggest one.
We take it completely for granted when we have it.
Then you get sick.
Try doing anything when you're truly sick.
Suddenly the promotion doesn't seem very important.
Neither does the new car.
Or the kitchen renovation.
Or what somebody else has.
You just want to feel normal again.
So when you find yourself comparing your life to someone else's, change the frame.
Ask yourself:
- Did I wake up with my health?
- Am I safe?
- Am I living in a war zone?
- Do I know where my next meal is coming from?
- Do I have a roof over my head?
- Are there people who love me?
- Do I have people I love?
- Am I connected to my family, friends, or community?
- Do I have some control over what I do with today?
If the answer to most of those questions is yes, that's a pretty remarkable starting point for a life.
I woke up with my health.
That alone is worth noticing.
You Have to Count the Trade-Offs
There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve your life.
Earn more money.
Build something.
Travel.
Get stronger.
Buy the house you want.
Go after it.
But don't compare the visible benefit of somebody else's choices while ignoring everything it may have cost them to get there.
More money may have required more hours.
A successful business may have required years of uncertainty.
A beautiful house may come with a giant mortgage.
I've written before about living well within our means because having enough margin in your life can matter more than looking wealthy from the outside.
A prestigious career may come with stress you would hate.
And sometimes you simply have no idea what somebody else is carrying.
That's why comparison is usually a rigged game.
You're comparing one visible piece of their life against the entirety of yours.
Instead, focus on the parts of life you can actually make better.
Your health.
Your relationships.
Your family.
Your community.
Your work.
Your time.
Your sense of purpose.
Your ability to enjoy an ordinary day.
Build those.
Because the goal isn't to build a life that looks impressive to somebody else.
It's to build a life you wouldn't trade away.
“Know what’s enough. Build what matters.”
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