How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Appreciate Your Life
If you’re going to compare your life to someone else’s, you have to be willing to trade your entire life for theirs—not just the part you envy.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
How to Find Direction in Life When Goals Aren’t Enough
I’d been rereading old journals lately, something I’ve come to think of as a kind of journaling time machine.
You get to meet an earlier version of yourself.
Not the version you remember.
The one who actually existed.
That’s how I found it buried in a journal from 2019.
A personal mission statement I had completely forgotten I'd written.
At first, I expected it to feel like opening a time capsule from another person’s life. Years had passed. COVID happened. My business changed. My kids got older. I got older.
Surely whatever I thought I wanted back then would seem naïve by now.
Instead, I started reading.
- Continuous learning
- Being a loving father
- Loving my wife deeply
- Staying active
- Eating healthy foods
- Creating meaningful work
- Financial security
- Examining anxiety
- Rest and calm
- Remaining open-minded
- Self-discipline
I stopped.
I hadn't accomplished all of those things perfectly.
But somehow, without remembering the list existed, my life had moved closer to almost every one of them.
And it made me realize something about how to find direction in life:
Maybe we need fewer destinations and a better compass.
The “Good Years” Weren't As Good As I Remembered
One of the strange things about rereading old journals is discovering how unreliable memory can be.
In my head, 2018 and 2019 were some of the good years.
The business was growing. Revenue was strong. COVID hadn't happened yet.
Looking backward, it's easy to turn those years into a highlight reel.
My journals told a different story.
There were entries worrying about the next week's sales.
Employee problems.
Bad sleep.
Frustration.
I even found notes from a trip I took to Richmond to visit Mac, one of the highest-volume Apple Spice owners in the country, because I was struggling with motivation.
That surprised me.
Apparently, even during the years when I now remember everything clicking, I was asking:
What's next?
The business was successful.
But I was tired.
And looking back, I don't think I was actually searching for a way to make more money.
I was searching for a way to build a better life.
Goals and Direction Aren't the Same Thing
One of the goals I wrote down back then was to weigh 190 pounds.
I don't weigh 190 pounds today.
So did I fail?
If the number was the point, yes.
But the number wasn't really the point.
I wanted to be healthy.
Today I row. I lift weights. I hike. I throw baseballs with my kids. I can move equipment around my shop without worrying about hurting myself. I pay attention to what I eat and to the basic markers of my health.
I never reached the specific destination I wrote down.
But I moved in the direction I wanted to go.
The goal was a measurement.
The North Star was vitality.
I see the same distinction in business.
Revenue is a measurement.
Financial security is the North Star.
A number on the scale is a measurement.
Health is the North Star.
A promotion might be a goal.
Meaningful work might be the North Star.
Goals can tell you whether you've reached a particular point.
A North Star tells you which way to walk.
The Conversation I Didn't Understand Yet
That trip to Richmond in 2019 makes more sense to me now.
I had gone to see Mac because he was running one of the most successful Apple Spice stores in the country.
I expected to talk about growth.
Sales.
Systems.
How to get bigger.
Instead, he talked about living below your means.
Enjoying the work.
Being present for your kids.
Having enough.
Building a life that didn't revolve entirely around the business.
I don't think I fully understood him.
I was still thinking about achievement.
He was talking about alignment.
And, in a way, he was talking about something I've had to keep relearning ever since: how to enjoy the life you have instead of always postponing satisfaction until you reach the next milestone.
How to Find Direction in Life: Write Your Own North Star
If you're trying to figure out how to find direction in life, I don't think you need a five-year plan.
I'd start much smaller.
Take out a piece of paper and ask yourself:
What do I want my life to contain?
Not what do I want to accomplish.
Not how much money do I want to make.
Not what should I weigh.
What do I want my life to contain?
Maybe it's:
Family.
Health.
Curiosity.
Friendship.
Meaningful work.
Adventure.
Financial security.
Calm.
Creativity.
Service.
Learning.
Whatever matters to you.
Then look at the goals you're chasing and ask what they're really pointing toward.
If you want to lose twenty pounds, maybe the deeper direction is health.
If you want to earn more money, maybe it's security or freedom.
If you want a promotion, maybe what you're really seeking is meaningful work, recognition, or greater responsibility.
Strip away the measurement and find the direction beneath it.
Then every once in a while, check the compass:
What matters to me?
Where am I trying to go?
Am I moving closer to it?
That's it.
You don't need to know exactly where you'll be in five years.
You just need to know which way is north.
Check Your Direction, Not Just Your Progress
One of the other things I noticed while rereading my journals is how much my journaling itself has changed.
In 2019, almost everything was about the business.
Sales.
Customers.
Employees.
Problems.
Today, the business is still there.
But so are baseball games with my kids.
Music.
Cooking.
Books.
Hiking.
Gratitude.
My marriage.
Thoughts about stress and how I carry it.
The business hasn't become unimportant.
It's just no longer the entire story.
I think that's growth.
It's also why I've come to appreciate small practices like journaling, gratitude, or a simple Rose-Thorn-Bud reflection at the end of the day.
They don't solve your problems.
They help you notice your direction.
Every so often, they let you look down at the compass and see whether you're still walking toward the life you actually wanted.
You Don't Need a Perfect Plan
The most valuable thing I wrote in that journal in 2019 wasn't a revenue goal.
It wasn't 190 pounds.
It wasn't a five-year plan.
It was that little list of things I wanted my life to be about.
Life didn't go according to plan.
COVID happened.
The business changed.
My priorities evolved.
The path was anything but straight.
And yet, years later, I can see that my life moved closer to many of the things on that forgotten piece of paper.
Not because I followed a perfect plan.
Because I had a direction.
When I was younger, I drifted too.
The difference is that I drifted without a compass.
Today I still wander.
I still explore.
I still change my mind.
I still take roads I never expected to take.
But I know which way is north.
“Know what’s enough. Build what matters.”
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