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How to Be a Person of Your Word
On Wednesday afternoon, my health inspector texted me.
Any ETA on when the air gap will be fixed?
I thought I knew.
I had just talked to my contractor.
“I’ll be there tomorrow.”
So I texted her back.
I talked with the contractor. He will be in tomorrow.
Thursday came.
He didn’t show.
Friday came.
Still nothing.
So I texted the health inspector again.
Hi Stephanie — my contractor did not show again. He told me he would yesterday. My apologies.
My apologies.
I was apologizing for someone else’s words.
And something I’ve believed for a long time became a little clearer:
Your words have value. Protect them.
The Easy Yes
I see this all the time.
Someone says they’ll call tomorrow.
They don’t.
Someone says they’ll send you something.
Three days later, you’re typing:
Hey, just following up…
I hate that message.
Not because it takes long to write. Because I shouldn’t have to write it.
When you tell me you’re going to do something, I organize some tiny portion of my life around your words.
If you’ll send the document, I stop looking for it.
If you’ll be there Thursday, I plan for Thursday.
Your words allow me to put something down.
When you don’t follow through, you hand it back to me.
Except now you’ve added another job:
I have to manage you.
Twenty Seconds Would Have Been Enough
The contractor wasn’t even the only example that week.
We have a huge catering order coming up, and I needed more than 3,000 boxes. I asked a supplier for samples so we could choose the right size.
He said he’d look through his samples and get back to me.
Two days later, I hadn’t heard anything.
So I texted him.
When can we expect those samples?
His response surprised me.
He had driven all the way to Baltimore to pick them up.
Normally the manufacturer would ship them, but we didn’t have enough time. So he drove there himself.
He wasn’t blowing me off.
He was going above and beyond.
But I told him:
You could’ve explained all of that to me and I wouldn’t have asked.
Twenty seconds would have done it.
Lou, I found the samples. I have to drive to Baltimore Friday to get them. I’m out of town until Tuesday, so I’ll bring them Wednesday morning.
Done.
Now I stop thinking about the boxes.
Sometimes keeping your word isn’t about doing more.
It’s about communicating so the other person doesn’t have to chase you.
“I Don’t Know” Is a Perfectly Good Answer
I think some of this comes from wanting to please people.
Someone asks us to do something, and saying yes feels better than saying no.
So we say:
Sure.
Tomorrow.
I’ll take care of it.
Anything to make the next thirty seconds easier.
I’ve talked about this with my brother-in-law. He used to give an answer even when he didn’t really know the answer.
I kept telling him:
You can just say, “I don’t know.”
I don’t think less of someone who says that.
I trust them more.
The same goes for:
I can’t do that.
This week is crazy. I can get to it next week.
I thought I’d have it Friday. I need until Monday.
Those aren’t failures.
They’re useful information.
I’d rather hear an inconvenient truth on Monday than a convenient promise that disappears by Friday.
Being a person of your word doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.
It means being careful about what you say yes to.
How to Be a Person of Your Word
I keep a running to-do list on my phone.
Whenever I tell someone I’ll do something, it goes on the list.
Not because I’m some productivity guru.
Because I just made a promise.
And I know myself well enough to know that good intentions are not a system.
My rules are pretty simple:
- Don’t promise what you can’t deliver. A truthful no is worth more than a meaningless yes.
- Give realistic expectations. If you can’t do it until next week, say next week.
- Write down your commitments. Reliability doesn’t require a perfect memory.
- Communicate before someone has to chase you. If Friday becomes Monday, tell them.
- Say “I don’t know.” Then, if you promise to find out, make sure you do.
Being a person of your word isn’t about never dropping the ball.
We all do.
It’s about making your words useful.
What I Want My Kids to Understand
This is something I want my kids to learn.
Their words belong to them.
They don’t have to give them away to make someone happy.
They don’t have to say yes when the answer is no.
They don’t have to pretend to know something they don’t know.
But when they tell someone:
I’ll be there.
I’ll take care of it.
I’ll call you.
Another person may now be arranging a small part of their life around those words.
That’s worth protecting.
Because I’ve learned to treasure the people who operate this way.
When they tell me they’ll do something, I don’t make a note to follow up.
I don’t set a reminder.
I don’t wonder whether they meant it.
I stop thinking about it.
Maybe that’s one of the nicest things you can give another person.
Not a perfect answer.
Not an automatic yes.
Just words they don’t have to carry for you.
Protect your words. Eventually, people learn exactly how much they’re worth.
“Know what’s enough. Build what matters.”
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