Parenting a pre-teen sometimes feels like watching an eclipse—the light dims, conversation shrinks, and frustration flares. I’ve found myself losing my temper, but also found a way back: giving my son a true name—Rising Sun—to remind me who he is and who he’s becoming. This post is about discipline, anger, and learning not to dim his light.
I flew off the handle today. My wife tells me I lose myself when I’m angry, and I know she’s right. I can feel it happen—like something hijacks me, and for a moment I’m not myself. The words come fast and sharp, and then the regret follows. It’s a cycle I know too well.
Someone once told me that kids going through puberty are like watching an eclipse. The sun goes out for a bit, but don’t worry—it will come back. I’ve been holding on to that image lately. My son doesn’t talk to me much these days, except to ask what I’ll buy him or to pepper me with questions about rich people. It can feel like the light is dimming.
And yet, I know who he really is. He’s a competitor on the field. He excels in school. He loves being around people. He’s got this brightness in him, this pull toward connection.
I’ve been reading Sweetbraid, and the author describes how her Potomi people have public names and true names. The public name is what the world calls you. The true name is who you really are—your essence. The Irish have something similar, with names only close family and friends use. It’s a way of keeping a barrier out and the close, closer.
That hit me hard. Because when I’m angry, I sometimes call my son things that don’t reflect his true nature. Words I’d give anything to take back. And I worry: if I keep saying them, will he start to believe them?
So I decided to give him a true name. Not the name on his birth certificate, but the name that reminds me who he is at his core and who he’s becoming. For me, that name is Rising Sun.
The Rising Sun is bright. It cuts through the clouds. It warms everyone around it. That’s how I want to see my son. Not as my reflection, not as a shadow of me—but as someone growing into his own light, carrying it into the world.
But knowing his true name isn’t enough. I need a way to hold onto it in the heat of the moment. So I wrote down a ritual—a way to bring myself back when anger tries to take over.
The Rising Sun Cooldown Ritual
Notice the Surge
Say silently: “I’m getting angry.” Naming it puts me back in the driver’s seat.
Breathe + Anchor
Inhale slow and deep. Exhale even slower.
Whisper to myself: “He is the Rising Sun.”
Step Back
If I feel the boil rising, I give myself 90 seconds. Step out of the room. Splash water on my face. Look at the sky.
Remember the Aftermath
Ask myself: “Will these words honor him, or wound him?” I choose the words that honor.
Return Steady
Come back when the storm has passed. I am myself again. He is still the Rising Sun.
This is hard for me. At my core, I’m a disciplinarian. I believe in order, respect, and doing things the right way. But the flip side is I’m prone to anger. I want to change that—not by abandoning discipline, but by learning to discipline myself first.
The truth is, I can’t parent well if I lose myself. And I don’t want my son’s true name to be shaped by my worst moments.
So when frustration clouds my vision, this is what I’ll remember: he is not my shadow, he is the Rising Sun. My job is not to dim him, but to let him shine.
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