An honest reflection on losing your temper as a parent, the power of apologizing to your child, and how one moment of vulnerability opened the door to emotional growth and trust.
I've found that I have a tendency to get too angry with my son. He's older than my daughter, and sometimes he uses that power to act like a bit of a bully. And bullying is one of my triggers. So he has seen me lose it before, really lose it. I know I scared him.
Let’s be real. It’s not a kid’s job to have the maturity to say, “You really hurt my feelings when you acted that way.” That’s on us as parents. That’s why parenting is so hard. It forces you to reflect on how you show up. It forces you to ask, how am I doing? Where did I mess up? What do I need to change? And let’s face it, none of us likes to look in the mirror and find flaws. But we all have them. That’s just part of being human.
In the parent-child relationship, you see each other at your best and your worst. That’s the beauty of it, and also the weight of it. But when your kid sees the worst side of you, it is absolutely necessary to circle back and apologize.
So when the moment passed, I found a quiet place and sat down with him. I told him I was sorry. I told him I felt genuinely bad for the way I acted and for scaring him. And I explained why I was so angry. I didn’t want to just move on. I wanted to reset the relationship and help him understand where I was coming from.
I always tell my kids that I will always love them, no matter what. But I may not like their behavior in the moment. And if I’ve asked you to stop doing something more than ten times, it is completely understandable that I might respond with anger and irritability. That is a natural consequence.
I also made something else really clear. I told him that it is not okay to bully your sister. It is my job to protect both of you. And when you act like that, you’re getting in the way of me doing my job. I can’t let that happen.
Then something happened that really stopped me in my tracks. My son looked at me and said, “I lost control of my emotions.” Just like that. Eleven years old, and he was able to name what had happened inside him. He echoed my own words back to me, not to deflect blame, but to take ownership. That moment was the breakthrough. After what felt like a year of being stuck in the same cycle, this was the shift I had been hoping for.
That kind of awareness doesn’t show up by accident. It comes from being in an environment where honesty is modeled, where apologies are given, and where repair is possible. That is the atmosphere I want to create for my kids. Not one of perfection, but one of truth and love.
As a parent, are you apologizing for your shortcomings? I believe it is one of the most powerful tools we have in our arsenal. It builds the kind of long-term trust and love that forms the foundation of a strong relationship between parent and child.
Parenting isn’t about always staying calm or never messing up. It’s about being honest, being willing to repair the damage, and showing your kids how to take responsibility. I want to raise kids who know how to apologize, how to be accountable, and how to keep growing. And that starts with me.
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