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How Phones Affect Kids’ Social Skills: Don’t Just Reduce the Screen, Increase the Human
I was talking with one of my managers at work recently about kids and phones.
We all know the problems. Kids constantly have these things in front of their faces. Instagram. Snapchat. Texting. Whatever comes next.
But what bothers me most isn't really the screen time.
It's what the screen is replacing.
Human connection.
My daughter wanted a drink from Starbucks recently, and we were standing right outside the store. She wanted to know how much it cost.
Her instinct was to pull out a phone and Google it.
I told her, "Go inside and ask someone."
That's it.
Walk into the store. Look at another human being and say, "Hey, how much is this?"
Maybe it's slightly awkward. Who cares?
You don't die from an awkward interaction.
How Phones Can Affect Kids’ Social Skills
The problem isn't simply that kids spend too much time looking at screens. It's that phones make it incredibly easy to avoid little human interactions.
Google instead of ask.
Text instead of talk.
Have Mom or Dad email instead of handling something yourself.
Every time we remove one of those interactions, we're also removing a chance to practice a skill.
And social skills need practice just like anything else.
Give Kids More Human Reps
Something I really like about my son's 13U baseball coach is an expectation he established right away.
At this age, he doesn't want parents telling him that a player is going to miss practice. He expects the boys to communicate with him directly.
I love that.
Yes, he's teaching baseball. But he's also trying to grow boys into young men.
That’s something I’ve thought about before when it comes to raising disciplined, independent kids in a screen-filled world. Sometimes helping our kids grow means deliberately not doing something for them.
If you're going to miss practice, tell your coach.
If you're going to miss practice, tell your coach.
If you want to know what something costs, ask.
Order your own food. Talk to your teacher. Ask the employee where something is. Work through a misunderstanding with a friend.
Get the human reps.
We wouldn't expect a baseball player to become a good hitter without taking hundreds of swings. Why would we expect kids to develop strong social skills if we keep eliminating their opportunities to practice?
Texting Is Communication, But It Isn’t Human Connection
Texting and social media give us something that resembles connection, but they're not the same thing.
It's like living on McDonald's and Cheese Doodles. Technically, you're eating. But you're missing a lot of the nutrition.
Human interaction gives us eye contact, tone, body language, laughter, misunderstandings, discomfort, recovery and all the other little things we learn simply by being around other people.
A text message can be interpreted ten different ways. A face, a voice, a laugh or even an awkward silence tells us things that words on a screen can't.
And that's true for adults too.
We order through an app. Use self-checkout. Text instead of call. Put our headphones in.
Technology makes it possible to move through more and more of life without actually talking to anyone.
That's convenient.
But convenience isn't always growth.
Human Connection Is the Good Stuff
And there's another reason I don't want us to lose this.
Think about so many of the things that make life good.
Music. Food. Art. Friendship. Love.
They're all built around human connection.
Someone creates something, shares something, teaches something, cooks something, plays something or simply sits across a table from someone else.
Technology can make our lives easier. I'm all for that.
I just don't want convenience to slowly remove the very thing that makes life meaningful.
Don’t Just Reduce Screen Time. Increase Human Interaction.
So maybe the answer isn't only setting limits on phones.
Let's deliberately create more human interaction.
Let kids order their own food. Let them talk to their coaches. Let them ask the stupid question. Let them stumble over their words and have the occasional awkward interaction.
Someday they'll have to talk to a boss, a spouse, a teacher, a customer, a stranger or someone they disagree with.
They need the reps now.
Don't just reduce the phone. Increase the human.
“Know what’s enough. Build what matters.”
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