The Unexpected Joy of Playing Music With Your Kids
A loud Toto song, a cajon, a wooden bongo, and one completely unplanned kitchen jam with my daughter that turned into a parenting moment I won’t forget.
He Said, “I Made a Mistake Today.”
Tonight while I was tucking my son into bed, he looked at me and said:
“I made a mistake today.”
And honestly, that simple sentence probably mattered more to me than the actual mistake itself.
Earlier in the day, my wife got a call from school.
My son had gotten a referral in class because another kid grabbed his paper, and instead of handling it calmly, he snapped and said something like:
“Give me the fucking paper back.”
Unfortunately for him, the teacher heard it.
At his school, that meant detention and a conversation with the dean.
The funny part is that parents actually have to approve detention first.
So the school calls you and basically asks permission for your kid to stay after school because they cursed in class.
And you’re sitting there like:
“Uh… yes. Absolutely.”
So he stayed 45 minutes after school and had the conversation.
The dean apparently told him what most adults already know:
There was just no reason for it.
Not the frustration itself.
Not wanting the paper back.
Just the reaction.
Especially in front of a teacher.
And honestly, that’s exactly what we talked about later that night.
One of the hardest parts of growing up is learning that feelings aren’t the problem.
Frustration happens.
Anger happens.
The real question is what you do next.
That’s part of creating space for fulfillment too. If every emotion immediately becomes a reaction, life starts running you instead of the other way around.
That’s a lesson adults still struggle with.
Why I Compared It to an Error in Baseball
One of the things I try to teach my kids now is simple:
Before you do something, think about the advantages and disadvantages.
If the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, don’t do it.
In this case, there was absolutely no upside to cursing in class.
He got detention.
He embarrassed himself.
He created stress for himself.
And it all came from a moment that probably lasted three seconds.
It reminded me of an unforced error in baseball.
The routine ground ball you rush for no reason.
The throw you didn’t need to make.
The mental mistake that hurts your team even though it was avoidable.
Not because you’re a bad player.
Just because you lost composure for a second.
That’s life too.
A lot of problems come from unnecessary reactions.
How to Teach Kids to Learn From Mistakes
The older my kids get, the less interested I am in pretending they’ll never mess up.
Of course they will.
Everybody does.
The real goal is teaching them how to respond afterward.
Can they own it?
Can they reflect on it?
Can they learn from it without collapsing into shame?
That’s the important part.
That’s also why I’ve come to believe in reflection as a practice, because growth usually doesn’t come from the mistake itself. It comes from slowing down long enough to understand what happened.
I told him there’s a difference between mistakes you learn from and mistakes that permanently alter lives.
A detention referral in sixth grade?
That’s a learning moment.
Drunk driving. Violence. Cruelty. Reckless choices that hurt people permanently?
Those are the kinds of mistakes you spend your whole life wishing you could undo.
Part of growing up is learning the difference.
And honestly, I’d rather my son learn emotional control now from a school referral than someday as an adult when the stakes are much higher.
The Consequence Matters Too
We’re still giving him a consequence.
He’s going to handwrite an essay about:
- what happened
- what he learned
- how he should handle it differently next time
Partly because reflection matters.
Partly because he genuinely needs to work on his writing.
But mostly because I want him to slow the moment down enough to think about it.
Not just:
“I got in trouble.”
But:
“What actually happened there?”
One thing that did matter was this:
He apologized.
And according to the dean, that apology mattered enough that his detention went from three days down to one.
That was worth noticing.
But I also told him something important:
Apologies only work once.
If there’s no real change in behavior, then an apology is just words.
And eventually, words stop meaning anything.
A real apology isn’t about getting out of trouble.
It’s about learning.
It’s about showing through your actions that you understood what happened and that you’re trying to do better next time.
Otherwise, an apology becomes something else entirely.
Empty.
And sometimes even manipulative.
Because “I’m sorry” is not the lesson.
Becoming different is.
Moving On to the Next Play
The thing I keep coming back to tonight is how he ended the day.
Not defensive.
Not blaming the other kid.
Not arguing about fairness.
Just:
“I made a mistake today.”
That felt important.
Because owning a mistake without letting it define you is a huge life skill.
It’s also one of those quiet leadership lessons kids learn through sports long before they realize it. Accountability matters. Excuses don’t help much. You own your part, learn from it, and keep moving.
In baseball, you make the error, reset yourself, and get ready for the next play.
You don’t sit in the outfield replaying it for three innings.
Life works the same way.
You learn.
You adjust.
You move forward.
That’s the game.
“Know what’s enough. Build what matters.”
Related Posts
“See That Kid Standing Alone?” Teaching Kids Empathy in Real Life
Teaching kids empathy doesn’t come from lectures. A small moment at my son’s school shows how children learn empathy by noticing people and imagining how others feel.
A Reddit Comment That Made Me Think About My Kids
It didn’t ruin my day. But it showed me how I want my kids to show up—online and off.
Made with Bullet