Taking time to pause, think, and learn has shaped how I parent, coach, and lead. Reflection isn’t about judgment—it’s about curiosity, space, and the willingness to ask what could be better next time.
One of the most valuable skills I’ve learned in life isn’t technical. It’s not something you can buy or learn in a course. It’s reflection, the ability to pause, evaluate, and learn from what just happened.
This simple process has shaped everything I care about: parenting, business, coaching, fitness, and mental health. It’s how I turn experiences into growth.
I’ve learned that reflection requires space. You can’t do it in the heat of the moment. In coaching, for example, I try not to correct kids during the game. That’s not the time. The time comes later, after the dust has settled, when emotions have cooled, and everyone can see things clearly again. Then we talk. Then we learn. That space is where growth happens.
I wrote about this balance in Parents, Coaching from the Sidelines, because giving kids space to figure things out for themselves often teaches more than anything we can say in the moment.
My favorite place to reflect is on walks in the woods.
There’s something about being surrounded by trees, the rhythm of your steps, the quiet hum of nature, that helps untangle your thoughts. I don’t force it, like trying to twist open a stuck jar. I just walk, breathe, and let my mind wander. Inevitably, new insights bubble to the surface. It happens not because I’m pushing for answers, but because I’ve given myself the space to breathe, to be calm, and to be aware.
Reflection isn’t about judgment, it’s about curiosity.
It’s the moment to ask, “I’m curious, what if we tried…?”
That question opens creativity and makes room for new approaches.
The same idea guides our business. Each week, our sales team meets to reflect. We talk about what deals we’re working on, how we’re progressing toward strategic goals, and what our KPIs are showing. When results aren’t where we want them, we focus on energy and process, the things we can control. I wrote about this idea in Motivate Your Team When Results Aren’t There, because momentum often returns when you stop obsessing over outcomes and start reflecting on what’s working underneath.
Our rhythm is simple: do → give space → reflect → iterate → improve.
Reflection is also at the heart of competition. As I tell the kids I coach, the goal isn’t just to play hard, it’s to play aware. To play to win, not to avoid losing. That subtle shift, explored more in Playing to Win vs. Playing Not to Lose, starts with honest reflection about what drives your decisions.
The Military Got It Right
In the military, this process has an official name: the After-Action Review (AAR).
Developed by the U.S. Army in the 1970s, the AAR is a structured debrief designed to help soldiers learn from every mission, not through blame, but through reflection.
It’s built around four deceptively simple questions:
What was supposed to happen?
(Revisit the plan and intent.)
What actually happened?
(Acknowledge reality, without spin.)
What went well and why?
(Identify strengths worth repeating.)
What can be improved and how?
(Find lessons for next time.)
And perhaps most importantly, rank gets left at the door.
The goal isn’t to defend or deflect, it’s to learn. That “no-blame” environment is what makes the process powerful. It’s what allows real growth to happen.
Reflection, done right, isn’t about the past.
It’s about building a better future, one iteration at a time.
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