The Courage to Say It Out Loud

Unspoken expectations lead to resentment. In this reflection, I share how courageously setting expectations changed my relationships, reshaped my coaching, and brought peace. Saying what you need out loud is uncomfortable at first, but it’s the only way to move past turbulence into calm.

Lou LaMedica

Aug 27, 2025

TABLE OF CONTENTS

A Chautauqua on Expectations

Most disappointments don’t come from what happened. They come from what we thought would happen. That quiet, invisible thing we carried around in our head—an expectation—suddenly collides with reality, and the gap between the two becomes the wound.

Here’s the paradox: setting expectations feels uncomfortable up front, but it prevents so much pain down the road. Telling someone what you need—whether it’s respect, timeliness, kindness, or even just a text back—feels vulnerable. But it gives you a foundation. When the line is drawn clearly, you can actually hold someone accountable for crossing it.

Two places in my own life taught me this lesson in very different ways.

First, relationships.

For a long time, I kept people around out of habit. Friends who drained me, relationships that felt shaky, people who never really cared for me the way I cared for them. I told myself I was being loyal. In reality, I was just avoiding discomfort.

When I finally started saying out loud what did not work for me, everything shifted. My life went from turbulent to grounded. People knew where they stood with me. The ones who got it, got it. And the ones who didn’t care enough to change? They were easy to walk away from, because I knew the effort wasn’t worth it. That clarity gave me peace—and permission to let go of relationships that weren’t meant to last. Expectations were the foundation of that change. (I wrote about a similar shift in intention here).

Second, coaching.

I see the same truth play out with my baseball team. We’re trying to change our identity from a losing team to a winning team. And that requires belief—but belief only grows when expectations are clear.

So we talk about them constantly:

We expect you to show up to practice on time.

We expect you to give 100% effort every day.

We expect you to focus, even when drills get tough.

We expect you to cheer on your teammates, because when one of us wins, we all win.

It didn’t happen overnight. But that constant reinforcement of expectations is altering the DNA of our team. Slowly, the kids are buying in. And the results are showing up in games.

The pattern is the same in both places—life and baseball. Unspoken expectations create resentment. Spoken expectations create growth.

And yes, it’s uncomfortable to say them. But you’ll never live a life of peace if you avoid the small conflicts up front. Like the ocean, life has choppy waves near the shoreline—those awkward, vulnerable conversations. But once you push through, you reach the deep calm waters.

That should be the goal: not staying stuck in the shallow turbulence, but moving through it toward peace.

“Know what’s enough. Build what matters.”

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Lou LaMedica