“See That Kid Standing Alone?” Teaching Kids Empathy in Real Life
Teaching kids empathy doesn’t come from lectures. A small moment at my son’s school shows how children learn empathy by noticing people and imagining how others feel.
Youth baseball, online insults, and the lessons we pass to our kids.
Last week a grown man insulted me on Reddit.
Over youth baseball.
The strange part wasn’t the insult.
It was realizing that one day my kids will deal with the same thing.
I was in a thread about coaching youth baseball.
One of those corners of the internet that should be full of people helping each other out.
Someone made a snarky comment.
I replied with something calm. Thoughtful. Maybe even a little too earnest.
Then another guy jumped in and dropped the insult.
Just one word.
“Pussy.”
Moments like that are a small example of online bullying, something kids today face constantly.
A grown man.
With a son.
That part stuck with me.
He had posted elsewhere asking for help umpiring. Clearly someone involved in youth sports. Maybe even someone trying to be useful.
But here he was ridiculing a stranger for internet points.
Performing toughness in front of the pack.
Anyone involved in youth sports parenting knows how closely kids watch how adults behave.
It stung. I won’t pretend it didn’t.
I’m 48. I’ve got a full life, some perspective, and a pretty good sense of who I am.
But there’s still that flash of heat.
The pull to clap back.
To match the energy.
To win.
Then I remembered what Mr. Miyagi told Daniel in The Karate Kid:
“You look revenge that way… start by digging two graves.”
That line always stuck with me.
Because the part of you that wants revenge burns hot.
But it burns you too.
So I didn’t call him names.
I didn’t escalate.
I paused.
It would not have served me to pour energy into something destructive.
And I’ve learned something over the years.
Most people do not leave enough space between the feeling and the reaction.
They just react.
That is when people say things they wish they could take back.
I learned that lesson the hard way once when I lost control of my emotions as a parent, something I wrote about in I Lost Control of My Emotions.
Cooling down is not weakness.
It is wisdom.
It reminds me of something I tell my kids about driving.
The safest way to drive is to assume everyone else on the road might make a mistake.
The same idea applies online.
If you assume someone might act badly, it becomes easier not to take the bait.
Sometimes the internet gives us unexpected parenting lessons.
And here is what really hit me.
I’m 48.
I’ve got tools. Perspective. A mostly calm life.
And even for me, that moment felt gross.
So how does it feel to a 13-year-old?
What helps them pause?
What tells them not to take the bait?
What stops them from becoming just as cruel in return?
Maybe this happened so I could talk to my kids about it.
Not in theory.
From experience.
So I can say:
“Yeah, I’ve been there. It sucked.Here’s what helped.And here’s why we don’t use our energy to make the world uglier.”
Because that is the lesson.
What I felt when a grown man tried to bully me online was not shame.
It was sadness.
Sadness for the kind of man who needs the approval of strangers to feel powerful and finds that power by ridiculing others.
That kind of behavior usually comes from insecurity.
Cruelty used as armor.
A lack of compassion dressed up as confidence.
I want to raise kids who do not need to make others feel small to feel valuable.
Kids who know their worth comes from being helpful teammates.
On the field.
Online.
And in life.
Because it is all connected.
How people behave online eventually shows up in real life.
Kids see it.
They learn from it.
That is one reason I wrote about teaching my kids defensive driving in How I’m Going to Teach My Kids to Drive (Assume Everyone Else Is an Idiot).
Whether it’s the road or the internet, learning how to stay calm when others act badly is a life skill.
At the end of the day, parenting is not just about sports or school.
It is about raising kind kids who know how to treat other people well, even when the internet makes cruelty easy.
And that is a lesson worth teaching.
Author’s Note
I wrote this because the internet often rewards the loudest voice and the sharpest insult.
But most of us are just trying to raise decent kids and live decent lives.
If this post helps one parent have a conversation with their child about how to handle online bullying or internet conflict, then it was worth writing.
“Know what’s enough. Build what matters.”
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