Living in the Bubble of Boyhood
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Let Them Play: Why Parents Shouldn’t Coach from the Sidelines
At a youth baseball game, I watched a dad coach his son after every pitch. The boy kept looking at him instead of playing. It reminded me why parents need to stop coaching from the sidelines—and let their kids fail, learn, and grow.
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Stop Coaching, Start Cheering
I’ve written before about why I believe failure is essential for building resilience, but last week I got a front row seat to what it looks like when parents try to skip that step for their kids.
One of our pitchers was on the mound, and his dad was coaching him after every. single. pitch.
“Keep your shoulder in.”
“Get your arm higher.”
“Finish through.”
The boy spent more time looking at his father than focusing on the batter. Eventually, I had to tell the dad to stop. It was an uncomfortable moment—but it set a clear expectation, just as I wrote about in this post.
It hit me later that this wasn’t really about baseball at all. It was about identity. For some parents, a child’s performance feels like a report card on their parenting. When the kid succeeds, they pass. When the kid struggles, they fail. And in that mindset, it becomes almost impossible to sit quietly and let your child work through the moment.
But here’s the truth: over-coaching robs kids of growth. If you’re always providing the fix, they never get to feel the sting of failure—and they never get the satisfaction of figuring it out themselves. That’s where real confidence comes from.
Baseball is the perfect reminder. Even if you train around the clock, you’ll still fail most of the time at the plate. The game is designed to humble you. But it’s also designed to teach you persistence. To show you that trying again—after striking out—is what matters most.
As parents, our role is to make failure safe. To let kids fail, and then help them reflect: What happened? What could you do differently? That framework will serve them long after the uniforms go back in the closet.
So here’s a good gut check: during games, is your child looking at you for coaching? If so, you’re doing too much. The coach’s job is to coach. Your job is to show love, cheer them on, and maybe buy ice cream afterward.
That’s enough. More than enough.
“Know what’s enough. Build what matters.”
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